What kind of luggage do vultures take with them on airplanes? Carrion! Did ya hear about the man who ran through a screen door and strained himself? Where do cantalopes go for the summer? John Cougar's Mellencamp! What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer! What does a fish say when it's swimming upstream and hits a wall? Dam! What's invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny farts! Why are soldiers so tired on April 1st? Because they just had a 31 day March! Knock Knock?... Anyone? Come on! Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere. How do you start a book about ducks? ...With an introducktion. Why do baby ducks walk softly? Because baby ducks can't walk, hardly. Why is the ringling brothers circus so mind boggling? Because it's in tents! What did they award the man that invented the door knocker? The No-bell Prize! If you're an American in the kitchen - what're you in the bathroom? European! What time do you go to the dentist? Tooth-Hurty! Why did the monkey cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken! Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide! Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To hold up their pants. Duh. What goes up and never goes down? Your age. What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out! Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you use to paint a rabbit? Hare spray! Man was fired from orange juice factory - he couldn't concentrate. How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line! Whaddaya call a psychic dwarf that escapes from jail? Small Medium at Large! What do you do with two pieces of bread in the desert? Make a sandwich! Why can't you play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetas! What does the Gingerbread Boy have on his bed? Cookie sheets! How do you make sure that no one steals your bagel? Put lox on it! Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel! What kind of shoes do you make from banana skins? Slippers! What is a hamburger's favorite story? Hansel and Gristle! Why are hamburgers better than hot dogs? Because hot dogs are the wurst! What does Pentium stand for? Crap! Why is the hot dog the noblest dog of all? Because it feeds the hand that bit it. What did the hot dog say when he crossed the finish line? I'm the wiener! Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9! Where do Generals hide their armies? In their sleevies! What does an educated owl say? Whom! How many Windows users does it take to screw in a light bulb? 98. How many skunks does it take to stink up a room? A phew! Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they're full of little anty-bodies! What did grape say when elephant sat on it? Nothing. He just let out a little wine! Can bees fly in the rain? Not without their little yellow jackets! What do you get if you anesthetize a rabbit? The ether bunny! Where do you find the most fish? Between the head and the tail! Why did oyster not want to give up pearl? He was just a little shellfish! What did one frog say to the other? Time's sure fun when you're having flies! What has more lives than a cat? A frog. It croaks every night! What's brown and sticky? A stick! What did one wall say to the other? See you at the corner! What did the salt say to the pepper? Season's Greetings. How do you attract a vegetarian? Make noise like wounded vegetable! iMac, uMac, we all Mac! You think that's a Boston Creme or a Lemon Marangue? Isn't "Bondi Blue" a starlet? Why don't sailors play cards? Because they're standing on the deck! Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? No guts! Did you hear the one about the Cannibal who passed his brother on the road? The lobster went to the disco and pulled a mussel! Hey did you hear that two maggots were fighting in dead Earnest? Someone get me more popcorn, this may take a while. A guy walks into a bar...says ouch! Termite walks into a bar, says "Where is the bar tender?" Errol Flynn was good in Robin Hood, but he would have been great in Klondike! What you call pig with three eyes... PiiiG!!!! Two peanuts walking down street... One was assaulted. All this movie needs is Tony Curtis! Hey, isn't that Bill Gates checking his seat for loose change? Hey Mr. Gates! Can you spare a few billion over here? Shareware: so pleasant, so civilized, so darn friendly! I sure do miss those monkeys. How did the banana get out of jail? On a peel! A Horse walks into a Bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?" Pssst. I think that couple in front is making out! This is almost as good as "The Fish That Saved Pittsburg"! Ohhh, this is exciting! Check out the special effects! I can't wait for the sequal! Who brings a computer to the movies? Is that a polar bear over there? I'm getting hungry. Shhh! I'm trying to watch! The quality of the American cinema has gone way down. You know? I think I read the book. Anyone want more soda? Refills are free! Cards, Movies, Bill Gates getting pie'd - What could be better? :-) To err is human, to moo bovine. If any of you believe in telekinesis, raise MY hand! Bill Gates owns this theatre..and this movie...and your opinion of this movie. That Stve Jobs, over there on the left, is one attractive feller! A penny saved is ridiculous. He's a little slow, it takes him 2 hours to watch "60 Minutes". Why can't they make shareware movies? If you don't like it, you don't pay? Anyone else remember Jeff Chandler? My favorite movie was ORCA! Why do I always have to sit behind the basketball players?! It's harder than it looks! You were such an ugly baby that they fed you with a slingshot! This movie should win an Oscar! I want one of those butterpumps. None of your business why! Support Shareware! 1-800-Freeverse This game is great! Am I the only one who likes Goldenberg's Peanut Chews? That iMac's pretty cute! Red nine on black ten! How exciting! Hey, where are the previews? mmmyy teeth are stuk with Mmmilk Dudds!!! Throw the pie again! I thought Tom Hanks was in this? Where are the monkeys? Get a load of that babe in the upper left box! vavavoom! Uh, I think my feet are stuck to the floor... Down in front! Hey, pass the Popcorn!